There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens - Ecclesiastes 3:1
This verse came into my mind when i was about to sleep in the wee hours of Monday after a Skype call and a troubled mind. After the chains of events that happened in the past few weeks left me in pieces, an arrow to the heart and the knee and what especially on Saturday was almost the nail to the coffin for me. Not seeing anything but despair, I dreaded life and to top it with all the insecurities and doubts that i had in myself, i saw no point in living a victorious life that a christian should have cause back then i thought i already hit rock bottom, i went even lower and i thought, " this is it." a point where i don't see any way of going up. What happened on Saturday hit me hard but Sunday even harder and at that point my emotions were all mixed and nothing seemed to cheer me up, no amount of games or songs I listen to could do anything but knowing that deep in my mind the only thing to do was to talk, to have a conversation with God after all it has been a while since I had ever did since all of this came up.
On Sunday night, I came back home and just decided to turn on my Snapchat to see what my friends were all doing and a particular few that i saw just made me madder with each snap and yet i couldn't stop myself from looking and after all of that I knew i couldn't take it anymore, so I turn to my friends for i know I can trust to be there when i am down either on Whatsapp, Skype or on the Phone call. And being who I am, I rant and sigh and my friends listen and one of them i remember sorta told me "Hey Tim, this might hurt you but you have to move on." When she told me that, I told her " do you think i haven't been trying to move on?" but what she told me was enough for an answer. " Maybe you are not trying hard enough." being a person who is defensive, i try to find a way to 'counter' her argument but i couldn't because maybe i wasn't trying hard enough or if i am being honest to myself, I just don't want to let this go because to me it's just too dear to just let the wind take it away and the fear of forgetting it all made me hold on to it even more. while all of this was happening, my mind was running 10 things at once and that was when i remembered what someone said " Sometimes you have to take a step back, to move forward". another hard truth I had to swallow. I thought even harder and I just give it to God for i know i cannot do anything about it. That was when a word came into my mind " Don't let this stumble you, continue running and focus on the finishing line." with this also i learn to forgive, forget and to let go for i know there is no point being all angry and to vent out my anger on people when it is my own personal fight. No one should be pulled in to this for it's my own thoughts creating conflict.
"In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry"
I choose to move on, looking forward, to take all of this as a lesson for me to learn and to also to choose joy and happiness for i know nothing good can come out from dwelling in the past. And also i know whatever friendships i am going to make in the future will be even better. Thank you for everything. Everyone wants a happy ending but the happy ending can only be written by you and how you choose to see things. This is the season for me to close this chapter of worry,anxiety and insecurities and move on with life knowing that what is ahead of me will only bring me back up above my current condition.
A time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away